I see my beautiful sister found me some support. (Thanks darlin!) And thanks to everyone who reads this.

I realized today as I started out on my new job that life has been preparing me for this all along. No, not handling calls and listening to people whine about why their bill is too high (lol), but how as soon as I followed my heart to where it was trying to go for the past lord knows how many years, it's all coming into place. When I got married, I knew it was the wrong thing to do. Years later, we discussed why exactly we did end up getting married, and I was so furious at first when he said he didn't want to at the time either. I yelled at him, "If you didn't want to get married, and I didn't want to get married, then why the fuck did we get married?!?!" You see, I was mad as hell that he felt the same way I did, and never said anything. Funny how I could always blame it on him, cuz you see, I never said anything either. I'm good at passing off the blame even if I know I'm wrong, too. I'm working on that, but with him, I feel he deserves some sort of pettiness from me every now and then. As we (I) calmed down, we figured out we got married cuz his mother wanted us to. One helluva reason, huh? I walked down the aisle knowing it would never last, or at least that it wasn't meant to, but that I would try to force it to anyways, cuz I don't like to fail.

Now I realize that I did fail. I failed myself for not trusting that inner voice that told me to run. I caused years of damage due to sheer stubborness. Oh, trust me, I am not blaming the downfall of the marriage solely on myself, but what I am doing is finally accepting some liability for my decisions that were wrong. I hope to learn from here on out that it's great to be a strong person, and to want to succeed, and to want to love in the course of life. If it's meant to be, it will come and flow to you, as it is doing so far. If it's not to be, I have learned that when something in your head is screaming at you that something is wrong, when something is working on breaking apart despite all your efforts, when something that should bring you joy makes you feel as though it's not even worth the attempts at the motions of living a life, it's time to let go. It's time to set yourself free. I don't view this divorce as a failure; I see it as the course that was always meant to be. Something to finally wake me up and realize what I have inside of me, the potential, and that the time had come to release the new me to the new world. I will succeed, and not just because I'm stubborn, but because that little voice that once was yelling at me is now quiet. My decisions from here on out will be made for the right reasons, and to lead me in the right path.